Last Level Press

Chats in the Dark: Square-Enix

By: Cliff Davenport

Lightning gets a boob job and her own personal physics for Final Fantasy XIII: Lightning Returns.  Jiggity giggity.  

Square-Enix...are we going to have to chat like Microsoft and I did? 'Cause we'll have this talk if we need to. We'll have it right now.

You're stuck, Square. You're caught in a rut, and you're struggling for relevancy. First it was XIII-2, and you surprised us enough with that for us to forgive the repetition, to hear you out, but then you went and pressed for a third Lightning game.  First it was the Cloud costume, then it was the Miqo'te ears, and now...this.

You're a whore, Square. Just like your little friend friend Namco with her Soul Calibur shenanigans. You're both good kids, you really are, but you're selling yourself short with stunts like this. I know it's good to feel sexy, and there's nothing wrong with looking good, but Square, it's only skin deep. I have to wonder how deep that feel-good sensation goes, and how long it will last for you. Are you dressing yourself up because you feel like you deserve it, or are you patching a hole in yourself?

I'm worried for you, Square. I give you tough love because I care. I knew you back when you were sweet, innocent, and creative, and I miss that part of you, that part I still get a glimpse of every now and again, when you're at your best. I want to see more of that again. You said you were going to change. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what that means.

-Mr. Black

( Seriously though, really, Square?  I’m not against fan-service.  I’m really not.  I’m a fully functioning male after all, and I enjoy a good shot of eye candy as much as anyone with a pulse, but it just feels like so much of the hype surrounding Lightning Returns is swirling around periphery features like this.  Fan service and DLC do not a strong game make on their own, and they certainly shouldn’t be used as a crutch for keeping a sinking game afloat.  I know I’m jumping the gun on this one, and feel free to call me on that, but I think the writing’s on the wall, and I’m calling it now:  Final Fantasy XIII: Lightning Returns will be the prettiest, but shallowest of the Lightning trilogy.  Let’s hope I’m surprised. )  

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